From Boy to Shoremen

I have been struggling through---mom's illness, career challenges, self acceptance, parenthood, childhood, peaks and valleys, waxes and wanes, highs and lows---on the roller coaster of life at age 50. I have never been a fan of roller coasters. I find my own thrills unfold when least expected. I have never sought them out.
With more and more days spent in hospitals or doctor offices waiting for blood counts and cat scan results it is easy to sink into despair. But along with those dark days comes the yearning for and
appreciation of good days filled with smiles and laughter.  Don't get me wrong, there is love, unconditional love on all days but lately I have been oh so needing a good day.
On Saturday, the temperatures rose and the sun shone as we crossed the shore from west to east coast of the Chesapeake Bay, on our way to our beloved Chestertown.  We have made this trip a hundred times but never with this much anticipation. For today was JD, our second born son's, Senior Day.
Only other sports families can truly grasp what the day represents.  In a family with a lacrosse history such as ours, the day represented the hard work of a father who passed on the skill and love of a game called lacrosse.  The day represented the love of a Mother who never played a sport in her life but cheers every move of her son on the field, and prays the rosary fervently for every minute of the regulation game clock.  This father and mother  cheer, cry, worry, sweat, and sigh with relief when they see their son happy on the field.  These parents recall the countless hot summer tournaments, hours of sitting at practices, bruises and breaks, victories and defeats of the past 15 seasons. On Senior Day it is an acknowledgement of the commitment of the player who was launched to play on his own when he stepped on the field as a college freshman.

Our player, JD, has never disappointed us. He has been a success off the field with excellent grades, a good character, and ability to learn from his mistakes and a phenomenal college career with his passion: lacrosse. He just works hard. All the time.
JD played the game of his career helping his team to defeat a conference foe for the first time in twelve years.  He played his heart out scoring, scooping, smiling!  It was pure joy swelling from our hearts to watch it unfold.  The accolades came and they were well deserved by our #5.  Wasn't it just yesterday that we bought that first lacrosse stick and he looked like a bobble head on the field with that tiny body and big helmet?  We love you Justin Donald and are so proud of you!

 

 

 

                                              Centennial Conference Player of the Week

Snow Day

Thank you Mother Nature for the gift of snow resulting in the closing of schools. I don't normally wish for these as many of you know. Hmmm work now or work in June.....I say now! But today is an exception. Today feels like a gift seems I am fighting an ugly upper respiratory infection and recovering from a decision to put my kids first and myself last. Again.  So Karma is good and I am thankful for this day of recovery and rest. A peaceful snow day.

Peaceful. Snow day.

In the past these words would have never coexisted in my world. Snow days meant digging and unearthing packed away long johns, water repellent gloves, boots, those hats with only eye and mouth holes.  Snow days meant stuffing my kids into so many layers and then sticking their plastic baggie covered feet into hand me down boots too tight. Snow days meant the drier would run many cyles all day long. Snow days, the days other moms said, "NO kids in the house!" While I scraped together healthy, gourmet meals chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, for what seemed like the entire neighborhood. Snow days, when I filled squirt bottles with colored water and watched the white wonderland go technicolor.  Snow days, when the begging ceased and I finally drove them to CCBC to do "the hill." Snow days when I finally got dressed and went out to help build a snowman to only be told, "We have to do the whole family!" And did I mention that we have THE longest driveway in Patapsco Woods and no snow blower? Snow days were anything but peaceful. Snow days were absolutely exhausting.


The Campbell Snowman Family
 



adding oranges and cranberries to the tree for the birds

  

Ahhhh but today is different. Today is peaceful! Today I blog, finally time to blog.  Today I get lost on Pinterest, without guilt. Today I catch up on Pretty Little Liars with my daughter. What? It is an inappropriate show for her you say? I am old. I am entertained. I pick my battles. Today I add this years pages to the Campbell Family Christmas photo album. Today I bake and moan at how good chocolate chip scones taste on a cold, windy day. Today I get a little buzzed on Robitussin and don't worry about driving. Today my kids can dress themselves. And my driveway is still clear. It is fun to look back at the photos. Allison's expression when she stood with her complete family of snowmen. Brent and Justin's fun in the snow. But I also love the here and now! Thank you Mother Nature. Life is so, so sweet!

Bringing up Boys

Of all the roles I play: wife, daughter, teacher, counselor, neighbor, sister and friend; the one I cherish most is simply "mom."  In my recent new role as school counselor, I find myself interacting with so many young parents seeking solutions, support and structure. The best I can do is offer sincerity.  I counsel them from the gut. From the 22 years that I have spent raising my children, two of which are sons, I have learned so much.  Their childhood was my blissdom. They were "mommy's boys," and loved me like no other. They learned a ton from their father, who has given them the best example of what a husband and father should be, BUT it was me that they snuggled with. It was me that dried their tears. It was me that helped them  put the finishing touches on their school projects, decorate their rooms, shop for whatever it was they were wanting at bargain prices. It was me that danced around the house and surrendered with them to complete ridiculous bouts of silliness.  I was their girl and they were my boys!      Sigh.     Fast forward 22 years later. They are now men.  They are making their own way in this world. And a grown up world it is. They are both experiencing life lessons of serious magnitude at this time as they journey through college, careers and relationships. Just like me, they make some wise and unwise choices. This is not easy to watch.  It is true---the bigger the kid, the bigger the problems. It used to be so simple to help them fix their problems. A missing Star Wars Lego. A broken lacrosse head. A crush on a girl that wasn't reciprocated. Life is grown up now and I cannot fix things all of the time for them and that is hard. I know they are moving on, growing up and out,  but at times I want to go back. I miss the sloppy kisses, sticky fingers, them falling asleep on my lap, a flower picked from the field, and the daily hugs...most of all the hugs. But I am proud of the men they have become. They take responsibility, they show initiative, they are kind to others, they are funny, they are smart and they are MINE.  My favorite book to read to them when they were little was Robert Munsch's sappy but sweet, I'll Love you for Always. In the book the mother holds her newborn baby boy and sings:

Then it shows her as an older lady sneaking into her grown son's room and holding him as a man and singing the same song. My boys used to laugh themselves silly at that part. Well can I tell you? That song has never sounded sweeter to me than it does right now! My love for these men of mine is enduring.

I Am Ready!

Christmas Card Photo 2011

Every year, I swear that "This will be the year!" The year that I am ready on time for Christmas. I mean it is not like I don't know it is coming. I mean I do have an entire year to prepare.  I think a couple of key events happened to cause this Christmas miracle. First, I read an entry, in what has now become one of my favorite books: Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, which simply stated that "For every YES, let there be a NO." Really? Can one actually say NO? You see, I have never been good at saying NO so I just rarely ever did!  But this suggestion of just saying one NO for every YES resonated with me. More surprising, is that I actually started practicing this new and absurd philosophy and guess what? I had a little more time in my schedule but wasn't guilty because I was still saying YES some of the time! Coupled with this revelation, was my own realization and daily reminder that Christmas is a season, NOT a day.  By looking at it in this way, I have been able to really enjoy the preparations and events...instead of obligingly working my way through it all! Finally, and perhaps most importantly I discovered a little online holiday organizing system via Punchbowl. To say that it helped me get my shit together prepared is an understatement. The timeline and email reminders made it all possible.  So here I sit, five full days out, listening to carols and I am ready! Baking: check! Shopping: check! Cards: check! Wrapping: check! Praying: ongoing!  I am looking forward to dinner out with old friends tomorrow evening. Another dinner out with family on Friday evening and finally Christmas Eve and Day with my most beloved. I am blessed and grateful, although still slightly irritated that I work for a school system that remains open through Friday December 23rd at 3:40....uggh!  Merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

While I Wasn't Looking......

Farewell Summer of 2011! I am not sorry to see you end. It was a summer of sickness, surgeries, and sadness for us. Not every summer can be full of carefree, casual days and relaxing, restful nights. Some are spent not at Camden Yards but in our own yards, dealing with the curveballs that life throws at us and running bases for extra innings just to lose....
BUT some wonderful things happened while I wasn't looking! The first born bouncing baby boy turned 22 and became a grateful graduate of Elizabethtown College. The wild middle child lived the summer of his dreams at Ocean City MD and The cute little girl in the house transformed into a pretty pretean full of strong-willed personality and pleasure for her mother. The kitchen transformed from a gingham and laminate covered 80's special to a sleek, upscale, gorgeous culinary suite!  Had the time this summer been mine, I am sure that I would have perseverated over every little decision and detail. But with real life priorities consuming my time, the kitchen proceeded and turned out to be my dream kitchen just the same!

Love that wallpaper!

There is a huge wall in our way---

So very 1980's!

I still have to pinch myself! Is this my house?

The tile: Diagonal Don's Design

The Granite: Denise's pick...it was all about the movement for me!

Gorgeous work completed by WALL TO WALL CONSTRUCTION

We are enjoying the new kitchen so very much. The kitchen is absolutely the heart of the home for this Italian girl, and I have been baking and creating with a new vim and vigor! The old kitchen was just as great. I mean afterall, this was where I gave baby Allison her fast bath, where the boys tore open their college acceptance letters, where I sat and cried over many difficulties and also sat and laughed with family and friends at every birthday and holiday. As I look around, I let myself imagine what future adventures will fill this new space with memories and smiles!

See you on the other side Soupy!

Soupy, Pete, Donald, Dad Dad, Sarge, Don, Dad! So many names to match the many different sets of people who loved him.
I lost my own father when I was 16 to a hard fought battle with Leukemia so when I fell in love with Don, I was thrilled to have a father figure in my life again. We had a great 22 years together. I like to cook and he was the best cook/baker I have ever known since my Dad passed away. They were two of a kind in that way. You know, the throw in a bit of this and a pinch of that kind of cook that only time spent cooking on a Navy ship can teach. Dad C made the best stuffing I have ever savored. So last November, seems I had taken over the Thanksgiving dinner, I asked if we could prepare it together. I mean he had it written down but I am a visual learner. So we spent several hours in his kitchen together and I learned the nuances that go into making that delicious turkey stuffing. It is so much more than ingredients: it is the way you cut the bread and let it stale. It is the way you cook the sausage and bacon and then use that same grease to saute the celery. (Hey, I never said it was healthy!) I keep thinking back to that day together and so many other wonderful memories of my father-in law. He was a master story teller. He was a devoted husband. He was a loving father. He was a funny and wise daddad to my kids. He was colorful yet gentle. He was a problem solver. He was a protector. He was a true patriarch in every way and our family now has a huge void gaping hole. On Tuesday night about two hours after we said goodbye to this giant of a man, we had gathered at my mother in laws home and the roof shook and an overwhelming sound of rain quieted us all. We ran to the window to watch a thunderous downpour that stopped almost as soon as it started. We all just looked at each other and I turned and cried. "He is there! He made it to heaven. He wanted us to know he got there!' We all agreed especially the next day when others in Catonsville said that it hadn't rained at their house that night before. Oh, he is in heaven all right! He and our girl Meghan and my Dad as well. Can you smell that? Yup, smells just like celery sauteing in a pan of bacon fat.....mmm!

On turning 48...

It is funny that about a month ago, I was dreading this birthday. It seems that every time I finish up a decade of my life, I swear that the next, upcoming decade, will be the best one yet: The 20's were when we were going to travel...not! The 40's were supposed to be my time to get fit and feel better....not! You get the idea. So of course with the 50's coming up I have reflected on the 40's and back. I was thinking about all of the things I hadn't accomplished or the disappointments of those years. WHY? When did I become the "glass half empty girl?" All my life, I have been complimented on my optimism and love of life! As I have sat in the hospital with my failing mother (just 73 years old) the past two weeks, I have had a complete reversal in thinking. My God, how lucky am I to even be celebrating a birthday? To have lived and loved on this Earth for 48 years? Sitting with mom has put it all in perspective. I have experienced so much happiness over the years and it had nothing to do with what my age was or what decade I was in! I haven't traveled the globe but I have journeyed through such moments of pure love with my family. I have explored and challenged my intellectual self by continuing my education. I do not have a passport but I have lifeport filled with treasured conversations, memories and experiences. I am the luckiest and most blessed 48 year old I know! The big 50 coming up....hell yeah! Bring it!