Bringing up Boys

Of all the roles I play: wife, daughter, teacher, counselor, neighbor, sister and friend; the one I cherish most is simply "mom."  In my recent new role as school counselor, I find myself interacting with so many young parents seeking solutions, support and structure. The best I can do is offer sincerity.  I counsel them from the gut. From the 22 years that I have spent raising my children, two of which are sons, I have learned so much.  Their childhood was my blissdom. They were "mommy's boys," and loved me like no other. They learned a ton from their father, who has given them the best example of what a husband and father should be, BUT it was me that they snuggled with. It was me that dried their tears. It was me that helped them  put the finishing touches on their school projects, decorate their rooms, shop for whatever it was they were wanting at bargain prices. It was me that danced around the house and surrendered with them to complete ridiculous bouts of silliness.  I was their girl and they were my boys!      Sigh.     Fast forward 22 years later. They are now men.  They are making their own way in this world. And a grown up world it is. They are both experiencing life lessons of serious magnitude at this time as they journey through college, careers and relationships. Just like me, they make some wise and unwise choices. This is not easy to watch.  It is true---the bigger the kid, the bigger the problems. It used to be so simple to help them fix their problems. A missing Star Wars Lego. A broken lacrosse head. A crush on a girl that wasn't reciprocated. Life is grown up now and I cannot fix things all of the time for them and that is hard. I know they are moving on, growing up and out,  but at times I want to go back. I miss the sloppy kisses, sticky fingers, them falling asleep on my lap, a flower picked from the field, and the daily hugs...most of all the hugs. But I am proud of the men they have become. They take responsibility, they show initiative, they are kind to others, they are funny, they are smart and they are MINE.  My favorite book to read to them when they were little was Robert Munsch's sappy but sweet, I'll Love you for Always. In the book the mother holds her newborn baby boy and sings:

Then it shows her as an older lady sneaking into her grown son's room and holding him as a man and singing the same song. My boys used to laugh themselves silly at that part. Well can I tell you? That song has never sounded sweeter to me than it does right now! My love for these men of mine is enduring.

I Am Ready!

Christmas Card Photo 2011

Every year, I swear that "This will be the year!" The year that I am ready on time for Christmas. I mean it is not like I don't know it is coming. I mean I do have an entire year to prepare.  I think a couple of key events happened to cause this Christmas miracle. First, I read an entry, in what has now become one of my favorite books: Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, which simply stated that "For every YES, let there be a NO." Really? Can one actually say NO? You see, I have never been good at saying NO so I just rarely ever did!  But this suggestion of just saying one NO for every YES resonated with me. More surprising, is that I actually started practicing this new and absurd philosophy and guess what? I had a little more time in my schedule but wasn't guilty because I was still saying YES some of the time! Coupled with this revelation, was my own realization and daily reminder that Christmas is a season, NOT a day.  By looking at it in this way, I have been able to really enjoy the preparations and events...instead of obligingly working my way through it all! Finally, and perhaps most importantly I discovered a little online holiday organizing system via Punchbowl. To say that it helped me get my shit together prepared is an understatement. The timeline and email reminders made it all possible.  So here I sit, five full days out, listening to carols and I am ready! Baking: check! Shopping: check! Cards: check! Wrapping: check! Praying: ongoing!  I am looking forward to dinner out with old friends tomorrow evening. Another dinner out with family on Friday evening and finally Christmas Eve and Day with my most beloved. I am blessed and grateful, although still slightly irritated that I work for a school system that remains open through Friday December 23rd at 3:40....uggh!  Merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

While I Wasn't Looking......

Farewell Summer of 2011! I am not sorry to see you end. It was a summer of sickness, surgeries, and sadness for us. Not every summer can be full of carefree, casual days and relaxing, restful nights. Some are spent not at Camden Yards but in our own yards, dealing with the curveballs that life throws at us and running bases for extra innings just to lose....
BUT some wonderful things happened while I wasn't looking! The first born bouncing baby boy turned 22 and became a grateful graduate of Elizabethtown College. The wild middle child lived the summer of his dreams at Ocean City MD and The cute little girl in the house transformed into a pretty pretean full of strong-willed personality and pleasure for her mother. The kitchen transformed from a gingham and laminate covered 80's special to a sleek, upscale, gorgeous culinary suite!  Had the time this summer been mine, I am sure that I would have perseverated over every little decision and detail. But with real life priorities consuming my time, the kitchen proceeded and turned out to be my dream kitchen just the same!

Love that wallpaper!

There is a huge wall in our way---

So very 1980's!

I still have to pinch myself! Is this my house?

The tile: Diagonal Don's Design

The Granite: Denise's pick...it was all about the movement for me!

Gorgeous work completed by WALL TO WALL CONSTRUCTION

We are enjoying the new kitchen so very much. The kitchen is absolutely the heart of the home for this Italian girl, and I have been baking and creating with a new vim and vigor! The old kitchen was just as great. I mean afterall, this was where I gave baby Allison her fast bath, where the boys tore open their college acceptance letters, where I sat and cried over many difficulties and also sat and laughed with family and friends at every birthday and holiday. As I look around, I let myself imagine what future adventures will fill this new space with memories and smiles!

See you on the other side Soupy!

Soupy, Pete, Donald, Dad Dad, Sarge, Don, Dad! So many names to match the many different sets of people who loved him.
I lost my own father when I was 16 to a hard fought battle with Leukemia so when I fell in love with Don, I was thrilled to have a father figure in my life again. We had a great 22 years together. I like to cook and he was the best cook/baker I have ever known since my Dad passed away. They were two of a kind in that way. You know, the throw in a bit of this and a pinch of that kind of cook that only time spent cooking on a Navy ship can teach. Dad C made the best stuffing I have ever savored. So last November, seems I had taken over the Thanksgiving dinner, I asked if we could prepare it together. I mean he had it written down but I am a visual learner. So we spent several hours in his kitchen together and I learned the nuances that go into making that delicious turkey stuffing. It is so much more than ingredients: it is the way you cut the bread and let it stale. It is the way you cook the sausage and bacon and then use that same grease to saute the celery. (Hey, I never said it was healthy!) I keep thinking back to that day together and so many other wonderful memories of my father-in law. He was a master story teller. He was a devoted husband. He was a loving father. He was a funny and wise daddad to my kids. He was colorful yet gentle. He was a problem solver. He was a protector. He was a true patriarch in every way and our family now has a huge void gaping hole. On Tuesday night about two hours after we said goodbye to this giant of a man, we had gathered at my mother in laws home and the roof shook and an overwhelming sound of rain quieted us all. We ran to the window to watch a thunderous downpour that stopped almost as soon as it started. We all just looked at each other and I turned and cried. "He is there! He made it to heaven. He wanted us to know he got there!' We all agreed especially the next day when others in Catonsville said that it hadn't rained at their house that night before. Oh, he is in heaven all right! He and our girl Meghan and my Dad as well. Can you smell that? Yup, smells just like celery sauteing in a pan of bacon fat.....mmm!

On turning 48...

It is funny that about a month ago, I was dreading this birthday. It seems that every time I finish up a decade of my life, I swear that the next, upcoming decade, will be the best one yet: The 20's were when we were going to travel...not! The 40's were supposed to be my time to get fit and feel better....not! You get the idea. So of course with the 50's coming up I have reflected on the 40's and back. I was thinking about all of the things I hadn't accomplished or the disappointments of those years. WHY? When did I become the "glass half empty girl?" All my life, I have been complimented on my optimism and love of life! As I have sat in the hospital with my failing mother (just 73 years old) the past two weeks, I have had a complete reversal in thinking. My God, how lucky am I to even be celebrating a birthday? To have lived and loved on this Earth for 48 years? Sitting with mom has put it all in perspective. I have experienced so much happiness over the years and it had nothing to do with what my age was or what decade I was in! I haven't traveled the globe but I have journeyed through such moments of pure love with my family. I have explored and challenged my intellectual self by continuing my education. I do not have a passport but I have lifeport filled with treasured conversations, memories and experiences. I am the luckiest and most blessed 48 year old I know! The big 50 coming up....hell yeah! Bring it!

Ravens, Royalty and Reefer

Welcome to Bmore Jimmy Smith!

Well it has been a crazy 18 hours for me. I had to stay up late to see who my beloved Ravens took in the first round of the NFL draft. Much to our amazement Jimmy Smith, an amazing, 6'2" reefer loving cornerback was still there. From the looks of Jimmy's photo he will fit right in with our Ravens. Hey, it's not like we haven't had to offer a little player reforming in the past! I like him already....just look at his swagger! Went to bed at midnight.





David Beckham is smokin' hot!!!!!!

Woke up at 5 AM to get my Royalty on! Wow is all I can say. I loved every minute of it. It seems the twentysomethings don't "get it."    I "got it" in 1981 when I was almost a twentysomething and got up to watch Lady Di and Charles. This wedding seemed way cooler to me. Loved the convertable ride to the reception that William planned. And Kate really seemed to be having fun! Beatrice and Eugenie were over the top and I loved their ensembles. I am sure you can tell from the photo that David and I had a wonderful time. I am so honored to have been able to attend such a historical event.
But I must say I am a little tired so I think I shall nap.
Signed, Lady Margaret Muffin Brandford 
(no! that is not my stripper name too)



Just the Girl I Ordered!

Allison Margaret: The girl I ordered!

I won't disclose when, in order to protect the innocent, but recently a "Mental Health" Day was taken by the Campbell Girls!  Allison is the best daughter and such good company. She has spent the better part of this spring her life being shuttled to her brothers' games and events. So it was with great pleasure that I spent a day with the girl of my life. I let her sleep in till 9! Then we watched some "What Not to Wear" episodes. Next, we went to the State Park and took an unintentional 6 mile hike. (Thought that trail was shorter!)



A photo of our shadow from the swinging bridge!

 Bought new nail polish at CVS and painted our toes. We finished the day with a trip to Opies for our first snowball of the season. It was a wonderful day filled with honest conversation, genuine laughs, and limitless love. I have often been overheard saying that Allison "is not the girl I ordered!" I mean she is such a tomboy, hates pink, and prefers to roughhouse with her brothers than to craft with her mother. But I love her more than life itself. She has been such a gift to this family and is actually JUST THE GIRL I ORDERED!